I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Randomize
