She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
