so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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