U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
