What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
