It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
