he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
