Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
