I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
