i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
