So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
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