All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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