Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
