I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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