Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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