your room smells of hookers.
And success
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
