Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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