we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
