It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
