i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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