Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
someone owes me an orgasm
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
