I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
