Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
