Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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