Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
