Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
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