I've blown a few things in my day
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
