Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
