She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
