fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
