ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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