he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
