he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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