My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
