Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
