it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
