fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
