we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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