It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
