still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
