i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
