Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
