No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
