sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
