hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
