How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
