Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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