He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
