he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
