Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
